I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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