I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
