He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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