i think my tv is drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
