My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
