There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
