in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
