Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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