Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
