I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just invented taco cereal.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
