Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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