normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
