so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
