I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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