how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
