That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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