Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
