As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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