He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
