I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
