i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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