First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
wow bdsm is so cute
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
