If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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