in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
