How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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