I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
