no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
