I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My feet surprised me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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