I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
