You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
