census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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