It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
