she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize