508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
