if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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