Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
