he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
