I faked an abortion last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
