How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
