I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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