I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Terrible idea I love it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
