Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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