I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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