I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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