I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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