i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just pee around me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
