I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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