i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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