Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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