Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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