I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
