Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
