Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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