There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
