i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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