i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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