moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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