Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
