why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Say something about gay babies.
Fuck appropriateness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
