it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
