I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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