Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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