i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Floor bacon is actually really good
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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