He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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