Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
