watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
