next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
