it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
