I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
