Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
