I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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