Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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