I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
