grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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