I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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