what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
