we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
