Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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