i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Randomize
