Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The power of my boobs compel you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
