Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
