I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
